I do not often find satisfaction in my daily
chores. I know I am doing God's will in
the dish pan and in the sauce pan, but it does not fulfill my sense of
service. Bigger , outside, people things
must be more. More holy, more rewarding,
more fruitful , more satisfying, just more.
I teach and read that home is most, home is holy and home service is
surely pleasing to God. But when my
hands are in the soapy dishwater, or gripping the toilet brush, it does not
seem true. No words spoken in dish
washing, no relationships built in
swishing broom and so, it seems, no spiritual victory. The trumpet sound is replaced with the
clatter of dish and swish of water going into the ground outside. I doubt what I teach while believing what I
feel.
The greater
thrill is opening the word and sharing what I've learned and prompting
questions and thought in other precious home keepers. The reward is their tears, their openness ,
His power seen. I can see His outcome,
feel His power and know He is in it. But here in
this outside work the resistance is home and people who keep me from my study. Why do
the two seem opposed with the same God to ordain and
glorify both? Is it my 1,2,3 mind that needs to know which
is first and keep it there all the time?
It is easier than discerning hour to hour where my service lies. Do the
kitchen and the classroom seem opposed because I live by instant gratification
and have not learned to wait for the "Well done.." ? This is the struggle that keeps me running back to
His word for deeper clearer instruction. And so, it too is His holy plan.
Other Marthas
feel the tension between the calls, but few will share. It sounds weak and faithless to struggle at
all with what is best. But weak
describes me best and faithless describes
me sometimes when I am near sighted. To
look and think beyond the pan and the bowl to His work in me now and His plan
for those who benefit from the clean and the food, is difficult. Seeing my priority, not in
every season as clear as the spotless mirror I've shined today, but sometimes
blurred like the tarnished neglected silver , brings me to seek more light from His
words. And when I do, he shows me that the 123's of
heart and not schedule, are the only mystery here. Must I feel and see to obey? Must I always do large work and never
small? Must the outside people be always
last to duties of mother and wife to
keep my choice of service immovably
clear? The sinful woman did not see only the feet and the oil, she saw a Savior above those feet. No one encouraged her act of love but
Him. But she left the wash and the broom and the dishes of home to come. That
day's foot washing came from love and gratitude ; the more, the holy, the
satisfying. I want to be free from my
earthbound sight, and result driven
motives and daily borrow His eyes to see
as I check my heart before I measure my time.
His calling is one, to be His reflection when I serve. Inside or outside , it can be tarnished with
pride and ingratitude. Mary's "one thing" is listening and
serving out of gratitude. It is the
heart that gives the twos and threes and fours of my daily list, eternal value. His best for me is this leaning, this constant seeking of His light to expose the dusty layer of duty
and dull upon my heart and ask Him to clean it up and shine it with gratitude and love. For He knows that cut and dried 1,2,3 plans easily replace the daily seeking these weak eyes need to find His inside or outside plan for me. Dishwater
and living water can both be His plan and they can be done anywhere.
Mt
6:33 But seek ye first the
kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto
you.
