Children
grow, health wanes, hearts unite, relationships fail, and we become different
people. We do not see it happening
until one day we feel the aching knees,
open the door to see the crying husband once our little boy, answer the call at
midnight and hold the newborn granddaughter , or hear the words of timely
wisdom escape our lips. Sometimes the
shifting, growing , change is realized when we find the fear we had is no
longer there or a new fear comes in changing circumstances. The fabric and content of our frail tents are
changing into worn but sturdy canvas guarding the morphing contents of heart
and soul and minds.
I watched
the seasons cycle round and round and did not comprehend that my own orb would blossom rich with life and fruit and new seed
and then burst into colorful activity before it began to slow and dry and leave
its legacy for new saplings to rake up and enjoy. How did once strong arms become unable to
lift the bale? When did my heart give up
the challenge of pleasing all and narrow in to pleasing One? Why did our two divided and busy lives become
one together, tromping through crisis
and frailty? Where along the fence of
our yarded lives did I become equipped for things I never would have thought my
mind and heart able to take on? His work
is subtle even in explosive bursts of
crisis and joy. We are changing and
being changed, wore down and narrowed in.
The leaves may be drying but they are different in more ways than decay
. They are witnesses of the
transformation, the power and hope of
change, and the beauty of it too. The crisis of shortened time concentrates
our work and releases us from future
fear , to be and do what we were designed to do. It prunes away the "maybe later"
and leaves the "only now " to
speed our work and deepen it's meaning into posterity . And it directs the life giving sap upward to
make the eternal more important than the now.
I do not see it happening any more than I can watch a child build height
and grow hair by watching closely. But
one day I open the album and see where they were and compare the images to the
child before me and see the change. And
so I compare my thoughts, desires and responses in situations now and realize
they have shifted since I first experienced the unexpected challenges of life. And it is nice when I feel the tent stakes
holding fast the urge to panic and run, because they are driven a little deeper
in the truth than they were when my tent was light and vulnerable. And sometimes it surprises me that the
baggage of past and hurt and shame is pushed to the side in this place, and trust and hope and grace
grow in the center now. But with the
strengthening growth come bigger winds and darker nights to test the heart and
light growing in me. And the tree is
strongest, roots sunk deepest when the
cycle is ending and the leaves fall . The
tent is tattered but strong. But it is the thought of the new dwelling and
the eternal tree that does not cycle into decay, that keeps this tent on the
ground, firmly fixed and full of hope and light.
II Cor 5: 1-5 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is
destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built
by human hands. Meanwhile we
groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will
not be found naked. For while we
are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be
unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is
mortal may be swallowed up by life.
Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us
the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2016
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